I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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