yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
