I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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