I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
