I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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