I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
