I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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