M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
