He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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