1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
