birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
