youre lurking in front of me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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