She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
