I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
