I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
