I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
