Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
