I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize