hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
