ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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