wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
