I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize