my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Blood and glitter go together right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
True college students do jello shots in the library
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