Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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