that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
