I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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