I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
