He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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