Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
