I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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