oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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