I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
