Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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