Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
