I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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