Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish there were birth control emojis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You can't just leave with hair like that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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