I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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