My friends, they love my intelligence
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
how drunk are you?
Several
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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