He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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