the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
