lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
