I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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