Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
