Pappa wants mamma naked
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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