It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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