God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
