Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
