He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
