and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
