Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
