I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
