He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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