That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
