Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize