K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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