glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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