Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
