I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
