So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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