Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
