i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize