also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
