I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
