I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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